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Jackassery..... CONFESSIONS....
Entered on: May 7, 2007 9:59 AM by BigFatty
Ok, ok..... I have to come clean here. I have been in Europe long enough to be considered an American-European. My latest purchase can attest to that. No, it is not a pair of red shoes, I am still 2-3 years away from that. But, you guys will still think it is pretty bad. Why the confession? Well, I am bringing the purchase to the US. It is quite handy for travelling. The purchase: A european man-bag - a man-purse if you must say it. Ok, I've said it and I know you are all keeping score. First all the HUGE crank talk and now the man-purse. What can I say? With all the shit I have to carry around, it just makes sense. The winter time I had a jacket, which barely did the job. I bought this in Amsterdam, and I am lovin it! I can only describe it as shoulder-holster style - it hangs and hugs the body like a shoulder holster. Is it sweet? Meh - and not by any of your standards. Just be prepared.... I can already hear Ross' outrage. He might nearly fall off his rocker!

NEWS 410 - 21 Comments
From: Ross Entered on: May 7, 2007 10:41 AM
Well, no... I mean, I carry a laptop bag most days to/from work and I rarely have my laptop in it... I can't find it on the manufacturer's site, but it's similar to this one.  I carry all manner of things around - maps, cables/chargers, eye-care stuff, nutrition bars, business cards, magazines, my lunch, and sometimes even some wet-wipes!  So it's very much a purse if I'm honest about it.  I don't mind.  I realized that after reading the first Dark Tower book, that if the gunslinger can carry a purse, so can I.  So Fatty, from one purse-carrier to another, I salute you!
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 7, 2007 3:20 PM

Dude......  You really do have a purse!  Mine is more like a wallet and cellphone holster.  I wear it across my chest ready to whip out my phone at first ring. 

I might be able to fit in a small 'snak pak' of wipes in the wallet holder.  Not a bad idea.  I was thinking that this holster look/ man purse might be what is up and coming.  In Europe, I am supposed to carry all sorts of shit.  As you know, big city living almost requires you to have a bag if you are not driving.  With cellphones, IDs, Castanza size wallets, keys, change, access cards, metro passes.... why shove all those in your pants pockets?

I am not sold on the look of my purse, but I am loving the function.  I think I might graduate to a larger bag/purse.  I am just worried about keeping track of it when I am not wearing it.

From: Ross Entered on: May 7, 2007 3:39 PM
Well, I still keep my keys/phone/wallet in my pants or jacket pockets.  The man-bag is more for stuff that won't necessarily fit in my pockets.  In general usage, though, it is usually just a glorified magazine rack, because my commute is short and I just use it to house my reading material.  
From: Creeko Entered on: May 8, 2007 1:23 PM

Let us not froget who was frist on the scene with the stylish man-bag as documented here

 And by the way Ross, that was Hyde Park in jolly ole England.

From: Ross Entered on: May 8, 2007 2:00 PM
Ah yes, I forgot about that.  Fatty should have done his research (not in the Bone/Bells sense) and noted that I didn't launch an attack on your manhood for carrying that purse/camera bag, even though it makes you look fairly touristy.  Nobody carries that kind of shit around in urban areas unless they're just visiting.  I stick by my comment that you should have gone leather. 
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 8, 2007 4:33 PM

Ah The Creeko, the pioneering Amero-Euro Trash trend-setter.  So I think my estimate is right, it will be 2-3 years before I am sporting red shoes.  Although, the other day I saw something even worse than red shoes.... day-glo orange shoes!  This this where things are going?  I hope not.  I had to buy an orange shirt for Queen's day in Amsterdam and orange is not my color.

No - Queen's Day is not for fags - it is for the Birthday of the Mother of the Queen.  I don't know why, it sounds very convoluted, I know.  People just go out and get Woooooooooo-Fucked UP!  Works for me.....

From: Ross Entered on: May 8, 2007 8:28 PM
Hey, you know, I think Fregly was in Amsterdam last week... had I known you both were there at the same time, I would have played matchmaker.  Oh well. 

From: The Bone Entered on: May 8, 2007 10:52 PM

All a man needs to get through the day is a slim wallet (mine is a little job from Coach that carries a couple credit cards, some cash, DL, and my Mil ID), followed by car/house keys (if there are more than 3 keys on it you are fucked up beyond my ability to comprehend), and finally a phone (get a shitty little RAZR or some other slim fucker and you'll barely notice it in your pants)

Fuck the Gunslinger, he had to travel around some weird ass land. He probably needed a purse. For the modern man, you need to slim your shit down man. Travel light and elegant.

From: Ross Entered on: May 9, 2007 7:46 AM
For the most part, I do travel with exactly what you describe.  But when I'm essentially moving home base for the better part of the day, I like to be able to bring more with me.  So one could consider my bag luggage for a day trip rather than a purse.  Some of that shit comes in handy every now and again.
From: Ross Entered on: May 9, 2007 9:36 AM

Actually now that I think about it, Fatty's usage and mine are quite a bit different - he really does use his as girls use purses - to carry wallet, keys, and phone.  I, however, still use pockets for these items as I might not want to carry my bag with me everywhere I go.  My bag is more for traveling or for going to/from work and therefore carries less-used items.  

So I take it back- Fatty is a purse carrying girlyman, and I am a debonair urban professional.  There, have I lived up to expectations?

From: Radmobile Entered on: May 9, 2007 10:42 AM
I could sometimes see the usefullness of a "man-purse" but I'd sooner carry less stuff.  Being prepared for every situation is overrated anyway.  I do love me some cargo pants though.  Lots of pockets, particularly down by the knees where things aren't as cumbersome as in regular pants pockets.
From: BigFatty Entered on: May 9, 2007 1:51 PM

I see now.... it is the Bone that brings out the fiesty Ross :)

Boys, boys.... before Europe, I was way beyond Bone's slim living.  I did not have a wallet, but a card-holding money clip.  It held a DL and 3 cards.  I hated too much in my pockets.  My cellphone was a small flip phone to go in my pocket as well.

Now, things are changed.... Its a different world here.  3 Keys??  Shit ninja, I use four just to get into my building.  I must carry my passport, my SS card (which is not small), an address card, a Transportation Pass (which is not small), my work prox. card, work keys, my slim money clip, credit cards, and cell phone.  I still don't have any room for my sunglasses!  Try putting all that shit in your pants!  You'd look like a moron.  A bag is the only acceptable solution.  The question is, do I go for a full carry-all bag so I can carry other things as needs arise (umbrella, small purchases) or for the smaller man purse to carry the essentials.  I am thinking of having both now.  I can easily throw the small one into the big one.

You car driving people..... You have NO idea!!!!   A car is just a big purse for your shit while you drive around.  I walk around and have to carry my shit.  If you buy something, throw it on the seat next to you.  Me, I gotta carry it.  If it rains, well, you maybe need to walk 30 feet, so you get a little wet.  I got to go 4 blocks to get to the metro stop.  I get soaked. 

So in the states, I am a girly-purse-carrying fag.  Here, I am a practical, normal guy.  I can live with that! 

From: Creeko Entered on: May 9, 2007 2:26 PM

I chose a Quicksilver brand as a sportier vacation/adventure/week-ender pack. I rarely use it because I have a tendancy to feel like I've left my wallet, phone, keys, etc... somewhere since they're not in my pockets. It's more like a camera bag for me now. I've had it for about four years and I don't think I've used it for more than a couple-a-dozen times. Besides, it clashes with my red shoes.

 I'll me in GR from the 12th to the 26th along with my brohair. Perhaps we can put on a Euro-trash fashion show.

From: Ross Entered on: May 9, 2007 3:15 PM
But I am something in between - I do not drive very often either.  I have to find a happy medium.  Still, it sounds to me like aside from the sunglasses, you ought to be able to use a wallet in conjunction with pockets to take care of most of your daily needs.  
From: Radmobile Entered on: May 9, 2007 4:23 PM
Maybe Fatty needs a sweet briefcase.....Michael Douglas used one as a lunchpail in "Falling Down."  Jack and Ange and I watched this for the first time a few weeks ago in case anyone's wondering about the timely reference.
From: The Bone Entered on: May 10, 2007 12:05 AM

Fatty, 3 keys are all you need. 1 unlock your door to your house/apt. 1 for the mailbox, and finally one for your car. No car you say, then you should be down to 2. If you need on eto gain access to your building then now you are back to 3. 

WTF is all this other shit? Passport, Social Security card? Does the Gestapo check your papers at random checkpoints. Address card? Can't you just memorize your address?

If you must carry a bag, don't be gay about it. Carry a messenger bag or something to that effect. At least you'll look like a professional.

Oh, and fuck money clips. Put that shit in a wallet where it belongs.

From: Jackzilla Entered on: May 10, 2007 9:17 AM
I agree with the Bone on everything except the 3-key limit.  Shit ninja!  I got my house key, my car key, my shop key, storage room key, register key, etc. etc.  But, take that obnoxious Cute-Troll-With-Hair-That-Stands-Up off your keychain and you can still fit it all into your trouser pockets.  And if you can't fit your day-to-day paperwork in your wallet, the terrorists have already won. 
From: Ross Entered on: May 10, 2007 11:41 AM
Yeah, I have more than 3 keys as well: I have two keys to the house - one is a common front door to my building and the other is specific to my place.  I also have the key to my desk at work on my chain, so with the car and mailbox keys, I'm at 5 keys.  But it doesn't matter anyway - the VW car key is so damn big that its bigger than the rest combined.  Still, it doesn't bother me to put it in my pocket so it's all a nonsense argument to me. 
From: Creeko Entered on: May 10, 2007 2:44 PM

I've got ya all beat. 2 keys and I only really use the car key. I carry the house key as a failsafe just in case my garage remote farms up. I do however have two remotes (garage and house alarm) but they are relegated to my car unless we go for a walk arount the bario.

Oh and I cant forget my trusty (mini)Hero brand Swiss army knife. That for me is a the only reasonable type of key chain a man can carry - small but practical.

 Bone, I can't belive you didn't include a pocket knife as personal carry-on item. Pocket knifes come in handy all he time.

From: BigFatty Entered on: May 10, 2007 3:18 PM

Lets get back to reality.... Bone seems to have gained some sort of status a lifestyle guru.  While, he may have some good ideas and solid research into some matters, let us remember - this is a man who is constantly shoving his hand into his bare crotch and sniffing his fingers.  Is this a habit of a sane man?  Is this the type of guy who should be giving out advice?

But, the messenger bag was what I was thinking of....  I don't like backpacks so much and the messenger bag seems to be the right size and men wear it well.

The pocket knife!!  That is one thing I have not put into my purse yet!  This was one essential I've carried here.  It is used for my weekly Kolbasz lunch.  I go to the old-school butcher who fries up some big tasty sausages (spicy).  For about $2.50, I get a tasty meal.  But, don't bring your American Express Card.  Cuz, Hungarian Butchers don't have silverware, and they don't take credit cards.  You eat that shit standing at a counter and eating it with a pen knife and your fingers.  Its one of those little bits of culture that is soon to go away - like the traditional barber in America.  I think I will throw my knife in my purse and have lunch there tomorrow!

From: The Bone Entered on: May 10, 2007 11:22 PM

I'll concede on the issue of keys. I guess if you own a business you might need them. However if it were me, I'd buy an electronic keypad lock where you can just type a code and you're in.

I would carry a small knife but it would interfere with my streamlined lifestyle, plus I would need a much bigger knife anyways to do the kind of shit I do. Think Crocodile Dunde.

That's a great idea Fatty, I'm going to be come a lifestyle consultant. 


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