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BigFatty Invades France!
Entered on: June 7, 2003 10:04 AM by BigFatty
Bonjour Fatty-Fans! I have landed in France and am currently figuring out this damn french keyboard. As Tony would say, Its all fucking Mexician!  
 
It was quite the adventure getting here - 30 hours of travel - all bullshit. First off, in Chicago (I hate Chicago), they gave me a boarding pass to San Fransisco instead of Paris. I had already spoken to two other people to change my seat assignment. I got the correction made, but the plane was overbooked. My heart sank when they called my name over the intercom. They wanted to change my seat again! This time an exit row - sweet!! It was short lived... The guy next to me asked to have his wife sit with him. I ended up behind him - which was a good thing for him. He had a big seizure an hour out from France. I had to lunge over the seat to restrain him and hold a bite plate between his teeth. It was pretty serious. He left in an ambulance, but OK.  
 
Next, France was in the middle of a transportation strike. Our train was cancelled. Much worse, only a few trains were running, it was a holiday weekend, and no one was collecting tickets. It was pure chaos!! The trains were packed like in India! We had all our frickin baggage. Instead of 2 trains, we had to take 4. One of which was a TGV - which was super cool - travelling about 200 mph!! That's all for now - the lab is closing. Later!

NEWS 47 - 19 Comments
From: John Entered on: June 7, 2003 12:47 PM
The Fatty adventures have already begun. I'm glad you decided to keep us informed. Let's keep the adventures rolling and stay in touch Fatty.
 
From: ChicaBoom Entered on: June 7, 2003 8:19 PM
Hey BigFatty your damn computer is pissing me off. I am trying to get an email out to you and have resorted to using Jackassery. My apologies to all of your fellow Jackasses. HA! But this is my last resort. Did you get the email? I got the form and it needs your answers.  
 
Hopefully those French tenders still keep their armpits insulated and BO-scented. Don't want to catch you on some French verision of "Blind Date". Screw the International Rules. This Fucking Mexican will know. ;)  
 
Keep us posted on your Fatty adventures.  
 
ChicaBoom
 
From: Ross Entered on: June 7, 2003 9:00 PM
Fatty I am so pleased that you have regaled us with your adventures thus far. Keep up the work, my friend. The headline should have been "Fatty Invades! France Surrenders!"  
 
Chica: Fatty ought to at least just stick his proboscus into a furry French armpit or two. You know, for science. Vive le stank!  
 
Slurp down an escargot or two for me while you're there, Fatty.  
 
PS: France is Bullshit!
 
From: The Bone Entered on: June 8, 2003 11:30 AM
Fattness, keep your eye out for "repeats". A repeat is someone you've already seen earlier on your trip and low and behold you see them weeks later somewhere else. When Creeko and I were adventuring we saw a few repeats. Most notable was a guy playing hacky sack with a coin at the airport. We remarked on how unusual the guy was. Then a week or two later we saw him again playing hacky sack with a coin at the cathedral of Notre Dame.  
 
Also, if you see ass crack man get off the train.
 
From: Creeko Entered on: June 8, 2003 12:18 PM
Holy shit, the ass crack man! I almost forgot about the ass crack man. Where did we see him?
 
From: The Bone Entered on: June 8, 2003 8:43 PM
On the train to Spain. For those of you who don't know Asscrack Man, he was a disgusting stinky guy in sweats with his ass crack hanging out the whole time. His smell was so putrid, you could smell him as he walked in the train car. We had to move cars just to avoid the rank. He was rather bizarre in his demeanor as well. Fuzzy foreigners.
 
From: John Entered on: June 8, 2003 5:26 PM
I may be a dumbass but I think it's spelled, demeanor.
 
From: The Bone Entered on: June 8, 2003 8:43 PM
That's what edit is for dumbass.
 
From: Ross Entered on: June 9, 2003 8:07 AM
Eric: "I don't know why all these bad things keep happening to me. I must have really bad luck."  
Red: "Son, bad things don't happen to you because you're unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you're a dumbass."  
 
Red Forman is the King of the Dumbass. Leave it to the best.
 
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 10, 2003 10:17 AM
Fatty's Alpine Adventure!  
 
Well Monday was a frickin Frenchie holiday and nothing was planned for us. There was jack squat to do. These dudes Todd and Tim spoke with the hotel clerk and found a bus up to the mountains for a hike. Fatty (who fancies himself an outdoorsman) was all about a hike through the Alps - No 'the hills are alive with the sound of music' crap - that joke got played out real quick.  
 
Well, I got my adventure Willie hat on, some long pants, and a white teeshirt to accentuate the belly, and was off to the bus station. It was closed of course and we had no clue how to buy a ticket. None of the Frenchie bus drivers spoke english, so we hung around like a few dumbasses. Our bus did come, and we paid our driver about 4 bucks. The bus ride was an hour up the mountain - way up. It was a sweet ride. At the bus's summitt we got off and found a french hottie storekeeper to give us directions. Her english was worse than my french, and after about 10 minutes she was able to direct us to a trail that was right outside her door.  
 
We were off! We scampered up the start of the trail with glee. Two minute into the hike, I was sweating like a hog and my calves were in intense pain. I started to look for the oxygen tank store and rationalized that true Alpinist must cry when they trek through the Alps. I then looked ahead and saw families of french children happily cartwheeling down the trail. Alpine grannies were gracefully leaping from rock to rock, as I lumbered along with my bulk like an arthritic hippopotomus.  
 
It only took a few minutes until all my kinks shook loose and all was well in the world. It was a beautiful little hike. We ended up at a small lake nestled near the top. We sat there for a spell, cooling our feet in the lake.  
 
On the way back, I needed to clear my nostrils from snot. My allergies were acting up a bit. I had completely forgotten that I had asked Todd to grab some kleenax on the way out. The outdoorsman way to clear your nose is to plug one side and blow hard, which I did with gusto! I must have blown real hard, because I didn't even see where it flew off to. Its destination became clear when I saw the slimey mass all the way down my leg. My response to my friend's inquires was a simple 'I had an error in judgement'.  
 
The hike completed, we decided to wait for the bus at a little cafe. I was parched. An ice cold coke in a glass bottle would be perfect! When the waiter came, I ordered in my best french, oon coka-coola por favor! (for those of you less traveled than I - that's spanish)  
 
Well, the Fatty adventure continues.... Next installment, the french women. GODDAMN!!!!!!!!!
 
From: John Entered on: June 10, 2003 11:10 AM
Be careful Fatty, the French women may look good but I hear they stink. Thier bathing habits are not equal to the American women. Plus they don't shave, yuck!
 
From: Jackzilla Entered on: June 10, 2003 11:19 AM
HA HA HA! I love it! That was a great tale of your adventures, Fatty! Have you gotten into a shoving match with any arbitrary Frenchman yet? I think that is a must. And then steal his woman.  
 
We anxiously await further installments of Fatty's France Adventure!
 
From: John Entered on: June 10, 2003 11:26 AM
Oh, I must say I agree with Zilla, that was a great story, keep them coming. Chicaboom tells me that among the French your on the large size. Use your new found powers and steal a French woman from thier unsuspecting punny boyfriend. That's bad isn't it?
 
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 12, 2003 9:42 AM
I'm sure you are all waiting for my commentary on the French ladies here. Well, all I can say is GOD-DAMN! Call 911, cuz they killing me! In all seriousness, the Grenoble French women are absolutely the hottest women I have ever seen. They have ATF - Ass, Tities and Face. I'm seeing tons of women with 10's in all areas. Huge tities, perfectly shaped, in tight, revealing tops. I know why France is known for their brasierres. The asses are, astounding. Large, tight, firm, lushious, juicy, oh-my-god they are fantastic! Top top things off, these are a beautiful people - their faces are breathtaking....  
 
On the other hand. They keep to themselves. I have yet to see a person glance in our direction. French women do not check dudes out - Todd and Tim are not bad looking either.  
 
I am twice the size of the average frenchman. I feel like Jabba the Fatty here. Don't worry ChickaBoom, even if I wanted too, the only way for me to get a Frenchie is if I had one attached to my chain.  
 
Next Installment.... The mountain monestary!
 
From: Swerb Entered on: June 12, 2003 3:55 PM
Fatty, you'll have to have close contact with one of these French hotties to verify if hairy armpits are still the trend over there. Hairy boosh, too.
 
From: Creeko Entered on: June 13, 2003 4:51 AM
Hey Fatty, if you want to be successful with the French ladies, try saying... "mangez ma grande saucisse"... that shuold get you the chicks. If that dosn't work, try "Freer Sheer Freer Sheer".  
 
Good luck!
 
From: BigFatty Entered on: June 13, 2003 5:18 AM
I'll be gone for a few days on another Fatty adventure. We are driving over to Mt. Blanc, the highest point of Europe. It is our free weekend so four of the boys decided to do this.  
 
It has been sooo hot here. Fatty has not been pleased. Plus, not being able to speak french really makes you feel turdy at every interaction.  
 
There is a small chance that I could come back here and get a second Masters in International Business. Its a one year program taught in English. There are ways I could do it on the cheap. Just a thought for now, but the program starts in Sept. or another in Jan.
 
From: Creeko Entered on: June 13, 2003 6:05 AM
- Fatty  
 
You think it's hot in France? Jjust wait until you get to Spain. Don't be suprised if the temperature reaches 110.  
As they say in Spain, you'll be sweating like a chicken.
 
From: Ross Entered on: June 16, 2003 8:56 AM
What's the Mt. Blanc story, Your Fatness? Less-well-travelled minds want to know!
 

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