Well, fuck it: I feel the need to deconstruct some of the more egregious ones:
I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
Umm, I don't know what party he thinks he's talking about, but isn't it the Republicans, who, time and again, keep trying to pass amendments to ban flag burning? This is just plain insane!
I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust
that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think
we're good people.
I guess he also thinks Saddam was responsible for 9/11, too?
I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't
tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps
will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
This is probably the most offensive one to me, because it betrays not only a complete lack of understanding of science, but a lack of respect for it. Predicting the short term weather is literally not possible (and I predict will never be possible, yes I know how that sounds but there is science to back that up) but identifying long-term trends is a completely different ballgame. How this isn't obvious or at least cause to give pause is beyond me.
I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four pointy
headed elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution every few days
to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the
Ah, now the name calling begins. But again, this sounds more like Republicans than Democrats to me. So some examples would be nice, here.
I'm voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.
Really? I mean, really? This is an actual argument?
I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of
4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same
gallon of gas at 15% isn't.
Well, honestly I can't argue with that one, except I think he has his numbers wrong. The federal gas tax is around 4.5%. If you factor in state taxes, which vary, it averages around 12%. But I assume he is targeting Obama, who said he didn't support repealing the gas tax since the prices are so high - but Obama is entirely correct - it would be a stupid move. Gas taxes largely pay for our roads. Those who live in Michigan especially know how badly roads need to be kept in good repair. But besides that, it just a bit of temporary and very minor relief that does nothing to address the actual problem. I'm no big fan of taxes, but getting rid of the tax would do more harm than good.