Welcome back, Fat Stain! Can't wait to hear the details of the heinous trip back to civilization. Of course I know that you partially fornicated your own process by cancelling your cell phone when it was most needed.
I must say that upon his return I sensed a small accent of the Gay European Style. But after a series of speech lessons -- consisting basically of the traditional call and response of "DUDE!", "DUDE!" -- I think he's back to his red-blooded, burger-eatin', "Not Gonna Pay A Lot For This Muffler", Proud-To-Be-An-American self.
I told him the same thing I tell our cat Zanna when she sneaks out the door at night, not to be seen til the next day: "Don't you EVER go out there again! Bad, bad kitty!"
I will try to refrain from referring to Fatty as "kitty" in the future.