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Another Resident of Johnsonville
Entered on: April 14, 2009 9:55 AM by Ross

Apologies to Fatty for not posting this on JA before Facebook, thouh many of you have already heard the news.

big bro

Due date is August 18, which is awfully close to Logan's birthday of August 10.  But hey, I can't complain.

NEWS 606 - 47 Comments
From: NickNick Entered on: January 12, 2009 3:49 PM

Humungous congrats, Ross.  2 are definitely better than one.  Logan could be old enough to be somewhat of help with the baby.  Make sure and watch out for regressions as a part of jealousy of the baby, however.

From: BigFatty Entered on: January 12, 2009 4:06 PM

Well, the notification pecking order is BS.... but still you guys get a cornfatulations from Uncle Fatz.  I must admit, I was a little concerned about the dates.  I thought Ross had something to trace back to my visit in October.  Did I just say that out loud?

From: Bunky Entered on: January 12, 2009 5:29 PM

Congrats! Funny, I learned about Fat's Flat on FB before I saw it here..... Hmmmmm.

From: Creeko Entered on: January 14, 2009 12:51 AM

Way to go B&H-bomb!

From: Swerb Entered on: January 15, 2009 4:51 PM

I think I already said it, but congradulations!

Also: Guess what? I'm simultaneously on JA and Facebook! It's a three-way! Hernie!

From: NickNick Entered on: January 16, 2009 11:14 AM

I know I'm not the first to think it, and maybe I'm not the first to post it, but it needs to be said.  All you Jackassarians make some really cute kids.  Good thing y'all have cute wives or it might be an incredibly different story.

From: Ross Entered on: February 11, 2009 10:43 AM

Well, the high stress life for the Johnsons has certainly ramped up.  Aside from a baby coming in August and my job being stressful enough, we just put our condo on the market this weekend.  We've got our first 2 showings tonight.  The cleaning and maintenance work is really taking its toll on us physically and emotionally as well. Updates as events warrant.

If you know anyone who wants a condo in Chicago, give 'em my number!  Or better yet, send 'em here.

From: Jackzilla Entered on: February 11, 2009 10:54 AM

I can appreciate the cleaning -- with Anna I know Ang & I just find it harder and harder to keep things tidy and clean around here.  Good luck with selling!

When do you get to find out boy or girl?

From: Ross Entered on: February 11, 2009 11:13 AM

End of March. 

Well, to add insult to injury, there was a nice thick smattering of graffiti right on the brick out in front of my place.  You can call the city to have them sandblast it, but a) it usually takes several weeks and b) it kind of mars the brick.  So I spent a few hours yesterday with a paint-removing solvent and a wire brush, scrubbing the ever-loving shit out of that thing.  I think I got most of it, but damn, it was a real pain in my ass. 

I would love to hunt down the hoodlums who painted that and get medeival on their asses.  It'd be worth them doing it just so I could catch them doing it.

From: Swerb Entered on: February 11, 2009 9:02 PM

Good luck, Bert. I hope the real estate situation is better in Chicago than in GR. Lots of horror stories around here of people selling their $300k homes for $150k...

From: RobotSpider Entered on: February 12, 2009 8:30 AM

What color was the brick?  How about buying some grey paint and just painting over it?  Before it happens again, after it's clean, put a thin, transparent layer of vaseline over the whole surface.  When it gets spray painted, the paint won't adhere and you can hose it off.

Plus, you'll have shiny bricks that are easier to butt-secks!

From: Ross Entered on: February 12, 2009 10:20 AM

I got it off.  It looks pretty good now... I think in the future, I have my technique down so that I can probably get it off myself with much less effort, though I'll still curse them vehemently.

From: RobotSpider Entered on: February 12, 2009 2:20 PM

Yeah, sometimes I find it just easier to get myself off.  Wait, what?

From: Swerb Entered on: February 12, 2009 3:42 PM
Ross said:

I have my technique down

You don't be ticklin' or nothin'.

From: BigFatty Entered on: February 12, 2009 4:43 PM

Your place looks real sharp from the photos.  If you are keeping things *that* clean, I can figure out why you are stressed out.  Thats the way to sell it - simple, clean, and clutter free.  I'm betting you got a storage place jam packed with your stuff.

You start looking for a new place yet or are you not wasting time until a decent offer comes in?  If you need a deal sweetener, tell people instead of one house for $320, you can get them 2 houses for $500k.  A house on each side of Lake Michigan.

From: Ross Entered on: February 12, 2009 6:45 PM

Hahaha.  Well, yes, it is that clean at the moment, and I plan to keep it that way for a while - I have 4 more showings so far between now and Monday (which kind of sucks because I have to work the entire weekend, including a call at 4AM on Saturday).  Anyway, I think it's priced pretty aggressively for the area, and I'm cautiously optimistic, which is easy to do when it's this early. 

However, of my two showings last night, I thought the first went great and the second kind of sucked - but the second guy called me today and asked for a copy of the condo documents, he's stopping by tonight to pick them up.  So go figure.  It doesn't mean all that much but at least it means they're considering it, which is something. 

And yes, the storage units (plural) are packed.  Granted, they're not big - 5x5x8, but one is totally full and the other is probably 80% full.  Luckily, we're down to the bare essentials now and it still feels fine to me.

From: Ross Entered on: February 24, 2009 9:36 PM

Houston, we have an offer!  It's only 2% lower than my list price, so I'm thinking we're probably going to take it after my lawyer looks it over tomorrow.  Exciting times!

From: BigFatty Entered on: February 25, 2009 12:09 AM

Sweet!  We Heiss Brothers have a saying - the first offer is the best offer.  This one sounds very fair.  Hope it turns out this way so you can buy the McMansion of your suburban dreams.

From: Ross Entered on: February 25, 2009 9:46 AM

I've heard that as well.  And call me superstituous, but I have a good feeling about the guy buying my place.  Young guy, first place, has a timetable (which means we have to get crackin' on finding our new one), has no crazy clauses in the contract. 

I actually got a call while they were there last night, just before they handed me the offer, from another group who wanted a second showing.  I agreed, not knowing I'd have an offer so soon.  So I need to talk to my lawyer about that. 

I also had a girl who writes for the Chicago Tribune come by last week, possibly wanting to feature my place in a column called "Sell It To Me".  She emailed me saying she wanted to do our place for sure, which would have been some sweet advertising.  But hey, best not to wonder what could have been, and capitalize when good fortune smiles upon me...

From: BigFatty Entered on: February 25, 2009 2:27 PM

The only thing that bothers me is his offer is 2% lower than asking.  What is 2%?!?!  It is kinda strange.  Is he really stretching his budget *that* much just to make the offer?  Granted, a few grand is a few grand.  It just seems a little cinchy to me.  But take that cinchy bitch to the bank!

Not sure what the housing atmosphere is like in Chicago, but if it is like Michigan and you will only get as much as your offer, then there is no reason to dink around.  But, some places the offer is the starting price... if that is the case... I'd wait until the Trib story comes out.  It would generate some bidding fo sho!

From: Ross Entered on: February 25, 2009 2:45 PM

Dude, there is no way I'm going to quibble over less than 10k.  It's worth that much alone just to get it done and not keep on with the showing stuff!

From: BigFatty Entered on: February 25, 2009 5:40 PM

Dude - I am all saying TAKE IT!!  I just find it funny his offer is 2% below....  not 20%, not 10%, not 5% but 2%.  Why not just give you a full price offer?  I guess it is pretty safe in betting you won't counter - so maybe that is a strategy in itself.  Then again, maybe you counter him with 1.375327% off hoping to get him to 1.5% ;)

From: The Bone Entered on: February 25, 2009 11:05 PM

If I sold my house right now, I would lose between $80,000 and $100,000. How do you like them apples? Not so much says me.

From: Ross Entered on: February 26, 2009 3:13 AM

Yes Fatty, that's it, exactly.  It's totally normal to offer within 5% of asking and not be considered lowballing.  So that's what he did, and it was within my "lowest I would accept" range.  Makes a lot of sense to me.

Bone: yeah, my neighbor was asking me why my asking price was so low, and basically, I just said that it's because I don't want to dick around.   And it's still above what I paid, so I get all my equity back at least.  It's probably not as much as I could squeeze out of a buyer, but what's it worth to me to sell quickly?  Quite a bit, honestly.

From: Ross Entered on: March 8, 2009 10:23 AM

Remember that Chicago Tribune article that was supposed to feature my condo?  Well it ran in today's paper, and it does mention my place (condo #1)!  It's funny how she makes it sound like she was the one who decided not to write about it, when in fact it was I who turned her down because I got the offer before she wanted to come back out and figured it would be off the market before her story ran.  Anyway, kind of cool.

From: Ross Entered on: April 13, 2009 6:54 PM

Well boys, hide your BigFatties, I'm havin' a girl!

From: Jackzilla Entered on: April 13, 2009 11:01 PM


From: Jackzilla Entered on: April 14, 2009 12:41 PM

How come under "Latest Entries" there's a link for a Ross comment "Apologies to Fatty for not ..." but when I click it it just loads the bottom of this topic?  Is there some witchcraft going on around here?

From: Ross Entered on: April 14, 2009 1:37 PM

Sort of, though the explanation is very mundane:

Shortly after I originally posted the picture, I put my house on the market and then I got paranoid about people finding out that Heather is pregnant, as that can be some small form of leverage if they know how badly we needed to move.  So I made the picture "private" on Flickr, which caused the image not to show up on Jackassery.  Now that I'm a week away from closing, it's safe to be footlose and fancy free with the pregnancy information, so I had to tweak the entry to get the image to show back up.  This, in turn, updated the timestamp on the entry (in itself a bug that has existed since day one on JA that I've never fixed) and thus made it appear at the top of the Latest Entries box.

Now don't you wish you'd never asked?

From: Jackzilla Entered on: April 14, 2009 1:43 PM


From: The Bone Entered on: April 15, 2009 1:23 AM

I'd give credit to a motivated motherfucker to search the net and come up with an obscure reference that Heather is A - Bert's wife, B - preggers, and D - come to the conclusion that the information could be used as leverage. You are one worrying mofo Bert.

From: Ross Entered on: April 15, 2009 10:05 AM

Where did C go?

It was more that he knew my email was and if he went to my website, he could easily get to the link of my Flickr photos, which had this pic prominently displayed at the time (the one at the top, not the ultrasound).  Stranger things have happeend.  I don't put it past someone to research the person he's buying a house from.

From: BigFatty Entered on: April 15, 2009 12:48 PM

Ross - I thought I was bad at worrying about shite.  You certainly take the cake.  Can't seem to blame you.  Your luck seems to have some unfavorable tendencies.  I felt you worried WAY too much on your internet pics.... but remembered the Dale Nichoson incident.  You are right, if a dumbass like him can find out stuff, a smart devious mofo can certainly skip C and come to D.  Just in my world view, there are not so many smart devious mofos.

From: Ross Entered on: April 15, 2009 1:06 PM

Agreed.  However, with a minor change on my end, I take chance out of the picture.  And it's not even, in my mind, about being "devious" per se - like I said, it's totally reasonable to research the person you're buying a house from, and this amount of research is really easy to do.  So it's not entirely out of the question for someone to stumble upon that pic, put two and two together, and squeeze me just a little more a result. 

I'm a firm believer in hoping for the best and planning for the worst.

From: Ross Entered on: August 12, 2009 11:58 AM

The new Johnsonian has arrived!  This morning at 8:31 AM Central time, weighing in at 7 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches tall, Lauren Elizabeth Johnson:


the fam

ross and lauren


 If you're feeling adventurous, check out this video.

From: BigFatty Entered on: August 12, 2009 12:26 PM

Glad to see another resident on Johnsonville Farms.  The video cracks me up.  C-Sections have there advantages, don't they?  Heather was just laying there, going great, whats happening, show me, show me, show me...  c'mon.. I can hear her! Show me!!

Another beautiful baby, Stains.  You might want to put yourself out for stud.

From: Ross Entered on: August 12, 2009 1:16 PM

Hey, tell that to the wife!  Sounds like a winning idea to me!

From: Creeko Entered on: August 13, 2009 11:28 AM

Congrats and best wishes to the both! She looks like a keeper.


Did they wheel Lauren away in a shopping cart after the ordeal was over?

From: Ross Entered on: August 13, 2009 2:34 PM

The shopping carts here are wooden on the bottom and have a clear plastic bassinet on the top.  The nice thing the bottom holds diapers, wipes, etc.  The downside is that there's nowhere to put groceries on the top. 

From: NickNick Entered on: August 13, 2009 2:55 PM

You just have to strategically place them around the baby.

From: Jackzilla Entered on: August 30, 2009 9:53 AM

Who's getting their kids the H1N1 shot for swine flu?  Any thoughts?

From: Ross Entered on: August 30, 2009 7:57 PM

Pediatrician never mentioned it.  But thanks for bringing it up - I will make sure to mention it to him on the kids' appointment in a couple weeks.

From: RobotSpider Entered on: August 31, 2009 8:48 AM

I'm late to the party on the thread, but Ross, I gotta say I agree with your paranoia.  Why chance it?  I don't think it's a stretch at all to assume someone would try to get 'leverage' on you before purchasing your house.  Particularly with the market as it is, when they know they can walk around the corner and find another dozen homes for sale, with equally motivated sellers.

With regard to the swine flu vaccine, I'm holding out to see how the trials go. It's these kinds of "hurray, hurray, hurray, we need this vaccine on the market" implementations that tragedies are made of.

From: BigFatty Entered on: August 31, 2009 1:51 PM

Robo - Great comment..... 6 months late!

Zills - The Swine Flu shot is just another version of the multitudes of other flu shots.  Why go for this one over the others.  Anna is old enough that her immune system is very functional.  I guess the question is - Would you give her the 'normal' flu shot.  If yes, then certainly do this.

From: Jackzilla Entered on: August 31, 2009 2:43 PM

Fatty - Except that the swine flu is getting a lot more media coverage over here than average.  That's not to say it's worse or not -- That's why I figured I'd get Bert on the case to find the truth of the matter.  He's got some time to do research in between playing Arkham Asylum these days.

By the way, Spider came out Sat and we played the new Batman game and it certainly is sweet!  We've always talked about what a sweet Batman game should have, and this seems to do it!  First class all the way.  Course it's gotta compete with Rock Band 2 and Gears 2 for my gaming time (multi-player games are my brand these days), but as a single-player experience it's supurb.

From: Ross Entered on: August 31, 2009 6:55 PM

Well, as far as the swine flu goes, the first round was actually quite a bit milder than your average flu.  That doesn't mean that it will stay that way.  Basically, I don't think anyone knows right now how important it is to get a vaccination for it.

From: Creeko Entered on: September 1, 2009 2:35 PM

This may not be a mutating virus as was once feared. If this is the case, then the best thing would be to get it (either the virus or the vaccine) and get it over with. One less pandemic to worry about.


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